they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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