I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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