i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
