i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
