On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
