I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
