yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
