I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
