Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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