I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
