I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
wow bdsm is so cute
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
