Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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