You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
