Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
