either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
