Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
