My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize