fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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