I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
