Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
