My sheets look like a crime scene.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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