I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
