So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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