apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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