Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
