You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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