Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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