oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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