My first STD was from a foam party
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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