I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In other news, I just burned my penis
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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