i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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