My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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