Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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