I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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