His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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