Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
