I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
