i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
