apparently the secret to your success is patron
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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