I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We left the knife in your bed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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