yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
