Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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