I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
