Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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