Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
