Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
