my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
