on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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