you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize