Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was born a porn star she said
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
