a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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