I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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