Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
