He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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