I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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