Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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