just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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