reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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