Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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