Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
