Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
