i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
