god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
