i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
