Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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