i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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