I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize