Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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