I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
