Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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