it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
